On Monday 12th October 2015 i walked into Wisteria, a ward that specialises in eating disorders.
My eating had very quickly deteriorated over a few months, it was like an addiction, once i started i couldn't stop. It numbed my feelings and thoughts in a way no medication could. Watching the numbers on the scales going down felt like the only thing getting me through the weeks. I ended up with not even enough energy to get out of bed. I couldn't understand why everyone was so worried, eventually i was fed through a NG (nasal gastric) tube.
It took me months to allow myself to get back to eating. I started slowly, mostly with soft foods like mash potato or yogurt. It was hard having all the feelings and emotions came back to the surface as i gained the weight and for a while things got so much worse. However i had no choice but to stick with it and it really did get better.
The support i got from the staff was incredible. Even in the worst parts they never gave up on me. When i had no hope, they held on to it for me. They carried me through the hardest months of my life. I simply wouldn't be here with out them. The best thing they ever did for me was teach me to motivate myself. Regardless of how much support and care you are given, you wont move forward until you are willing to try.
Now months on, i understand the importance of looking after and caring for your body. It doesn't mean i don't still have struggles because i do but i've been able to see that i have a life worth living. I wont be able to do that lying in a hospital unable to even stand up.
Its the little things in life that i've found the most happiness in. Those unexpected moments that make it all worth while. Even simple things like going to the park and swinging as high as i can on the swings, walking my dog in the sun or just being around people i love.
'You never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.'
All my love
Pops x
My eating had very quickly deteriorated over a few months, it was like an addiction, once i started i couldn't stop. It numbed my feelings and thoughts in a way no medication could. Watching the numbers on the scales going down felt like the only thing getting me through the weeks. I ended up with not even enough energy to get out of bed. I couldn't understand why everyone was so worried, eventually i was fed through a NG (nasal gastric) tube.
It took me months to allow myself to get back to eating. I started slowly, mostly with soft foods like mash potato or yogurt. It was hard having all the feelings and emotions came back to the surface as i gained the weight and for a while things got so much worse. However i had no choice but to stick with it and it really did get better.
The support i got from the staff was incredible. Even in the worst parts they never gave up on me. When i had no hope, they held on to it for me. They carried me through the hardest months of my life. I simply wouldn't be here with out them. The best thing they ever did for me was teach me to motivate myself. Regardless of how much support and care you are given, you wont move forward until you are willing to try.
Now months on, i understand the importance of looking after and caring for your body. It doesn't mean i don't still have struggles because i do but i've been able to see that i have a life worth living. I wont be able to do that lying in a hospital unable to even stand up.
Its the little things in life that i've found the most happiness in. Those unexpected moments that make it all worth while. Even simple things like going to the park and swinging as high as i can on the swings, walking my dog in the sun or just being around people i love.
'You never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.'
All my love
Pops x
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