I thought i would write a bit about my experience on inpatient wards...
So i've been inpatient in CAMHS wards for over 3 years now. Each ward has been very different and they've all had their positives and negatives.
The day of my first admission i had no idea what to expect. In my head i had pictured so many things but what i walked into was nothing like i had imagined. When i arrived i was taken into a little room and my bags were quickly taken off me. After all the questions and paperwork i was shown my huge bedroom with none of my stuff in it. I was left in my bare bedroom after i was asked to change into a short sleeved top and to remove my socks and bra. It was a massive shock to be thrown into this environment so far away from the comforts of home. It was like another world, having to ask to change your clothes, brush your teeth and go to the toilet. The closest thing i had to going outside was putting my hand out of a slightly open window.
The ward was noisy and scary at times, there was always something going on day or night. You were never alone which was sometimes a good thing but mostly it drove me crazy, When i started to deteriorate on the first ward i made a move to the HDU (high dependency unit) in the same hospital.
I would go into my own little world. My world was quite often scary and i would disconnect from everyone and everything. I often got completely stuck and unable to get myself out of it. This went on for a long time. It was really hard to let people in at first but slowly that trust was built and i achieved things i never imagined i would.
On both wards they used medication a lot, it was the first resort. It was given to you whether you wanted it or not. You could take the tablet but if you refused or were to distressed to understand it was given to you as an injection to help you calm down. This often involved being held down by several nurses. It was quite a shock to see how often it was used on a lot of patients and i still don't agree with how quickly they resorted to this. I know it can actually make a situation more traumatic, i know some of my experiences have been very hard to forget and i still sometimes feel panicked when people grab hold of me. Personally i think trying to verbally calm someone down is the best way, however i know it was sometimes necessary.
You had weekly reviews which decided the levels of restriction you had. When things weren't going well you had more restrictions and less if things were. So there were months where i had to walk around in very little clothing which could only be certain types, no long sleeves and no stretchy trousers. You were watched changing, showering, taking medication and going to the toilet. Sometimes you had a member of staff watching you all the time, even when you are asleep and just walking around. Now looking back i understand why they had to go to these lengths to keep me and everyone there safe. The desperation to hurt myself and sometimes even end my life let to me doing inventive and slightly crazy things. So they had to take the control and take away any opportunity. I am very, very thankful now.
However despite all that i met some amazing people, staff and patients. They kept me safe when i wasn't able to. It was hard saying goodbye. Everyone there had made such a huge impact on my life but i knew it was time to let go. They had got me part of the way, although there were still plenty of things to work on. So i made the next step to a ward closer to home.
So i've been inpatient in CAMHS wards for over 3 years now. Each ward has been very different and they've all had their positives and negatives.
The day of my first admission i had no idea what to expect. In my head i had pictured so many things but what i walked into was nothing like i had imagined. When i arrived i was taken into a little room and my bags were quickly taken off me. After all the questions and paperwork i was shown my huge bedroom with none of my stuff in it. I was left in my bare bedroom after i was asked to change into a short sleeved top and to remove my socks and bra. It was a massive shock to be thrown into this environment so far away from the comforts of home. It was like another world, having to ask to change your clothes, brush your teeth and go to the toilet. The closest thing i had to going outside was putting my hand out of a slightly open window.
The ward was noisy and scary at times, there was always something going on day or night. You were never alone which was sometimes a good thing but mostly it drove me crazy, When i started to deteriorate on the first ward i made a move to the HDU (high dependency unit) in the same hospital.
I would go into my own little world. My world was quite often scary and i would disconnect from everyone and everything. I often got completely stuck and unable to get myself out of it. This went on for a long time. It was really hard to let people in at first but slowly that trust was built and i achieved things i never imagined i would.
On both wards they used medication a lot, it was the first resort. It was given to you whether you wanted it or not. You could take the tablet but if you refused or were to distressed to understand it was given to you as an injection to help you calm down. This often involved being held down by several nurses. It was quite a shock to see how often it was used on a lot of patients and i still don't agree with how quickly they resorted to this. I know it can actually make a situation more traumatic, i know some of my experiences have been very hard to forget and i still sometimes feel panicked when people grab hold of me. Personally i think trying to verbally calm someone down is the best way, however i know it was sometimes necessary.
You had weekly reviews which decided the levels of restriction you had. When things weren't going well you had more restrictions and less if things were. So there were months where i had to walk around in very little clothing which could only be certain types, no long sleeves and no stretchy trousers. You were watched changing, showering, taking medication and going to the toilet. Sometimes you had a member of staff watching you all the time, even when you are asleep and just walking around. Now looking back i understand why they had to go to these lengths to keep me and everyone there safe. The desperation to hurt myself and sometimes even end my life let to me doing inventive and slightly crazy things. So they had to take the control and take away any opportunity. I am very, very thankful now.
However despite all that i met some amazing people, staff and patients. They kept me safe when i wasn't able to. It was hard saying goodbye. Everyone there had made such a huge impact on my life but i knew it was time to let go. They had got me part of the way, although there were still plenty of things to work on. So i made the next step to a ward closer to home.
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