Pops in pursuit of happiness

So today I achieved something pretty massive for me. I traveled up to London on my own for the first time, something I never even imagined I would be able to do. Over the passed few months my confidence has grown so much. There was a time I felt so anxious I couldn't even step outside, I couldn't talk to new people especially when it came to asking for things or even make decisions. After spending months behind closed doors every time I stepped outside it felt like my head was spinning. Trying to make sense of all the loud sounds, all the smells and making sure I knew where all the people were. I hated people coming close to me, loud sudden noises and massive open spaces scared me. It was all so overwhelming for quite a long time but slowly I built my confidence back up. Now I'm loving the independence and freedom. I still find it hard at times, like in big crowds or when people get so close to me I feel trapped but to be honest that isn't enjoyable for anyone is it? D

It's world suicide prevention day, a day that Is really important to me. I haven't posted in a little while mainly because it's been a tricky few months. However Things are getting better and I thought today would be a good day to start posting again.  In the past few years I've struggled to see the point of being alive. I was so consumed by sadness that all I could do was imagine what it would be like to disappear, close my eyes and for everything to be over. I took every opportunity I could and it was all I thought about. During this time I was kept safe inside 4 walls of a hospital until I managed to see that there was a way out, the good days outweighed the bad ones and I started seeing the point of being alive. I started to laugh more, to look forward to things and to feel some kind of happiness. I started to think less and less about suicide and more about the reasons to be alive. The thoughts started to fade and with all the support I received, I chose life.