Pops in pursuit of happiness

However that didn't quite go to plan, before I know it I'd fallen back into bad habits and my weight was just going down and down and down. It became an addiction again. I spend my entire life worrying about food or worrying about the food I'd eaten. It was relentless and exhausting but I couldn't stop. The appeal of loosing weight ufor me isnt about the way I look, it's about how it effects the way I feel. Being starved numbs everything, it's hard to think clearly and that felt good to me. It quickly spiralled out of control and before I knew it I was unable to even sit up, it hurt to laugh and I could barely find the energy to have a conversation. I was just a shell of a human watching life pass by. After a long weekend away I had completely exhausted myself. I woke up and knew I needed help. For so many months I had been living in this little word, convincing myself that it was okay to use food in this way, to starve myself to the point where I can't even

So I haven't written in a little while and I want to get back into posting regularly! So here it goes, a little update on things so far. I don't think there's much point presenting everything has been perfect because it hasn't. That's just life though, things do go up and down and I think it's just about accepting that that's it's okay. We're allowed to feel sad and to struggle a little more. That's the thing with recovery it's not linear, it goes up and down and all over the place! After spending 3 and a half years being told what to do and When to do it was a big adjustment when I got home with all the freedom that it includes. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love being at home but it's just so different from the structure and rules of an inpatient ward. So when I left the eating disorder unit food started to become a bit of a struggle. I was just unsure about what to eat and when to eat it. I wanted to prove to everyone I was bett