Pops in pursuit of happiness

So it's been my first week of freedom, I've been keeping myself very busy and doing lots of wonderful things. It's been even better with all the sunshine. I guess I've been reflecting a lot on my time in hospital. I think finally accepting all the things that have happened is an inportant part of moving on. To be honest I am finding it quite hard letting go of how bad things really were. Even though there has been so much focus on fighting the stigma relating to mental health problems and raising awareness the things that happen behind the closed doors of inpatient units still never quite make the news. Inpatient services have their uses but long complicated admissions like mine can actually be quite damaging physically and mentally. Being admitted to a hospital or being kept in hospital against your will is mostly used when someone is not able to keep themselves safe outside a hospital environment. For a year and a half I was put on a section 3 which enables them t

I am very proud to say that after 1127 days I've finally been discharged from inpatient services. After my section 3 was removed I spent a long weekend at home. I was really dreading spending 2 nights back at St. Andrews. However when I was told half way through Wednesday that I would be discharged the following day the 24 hours couldn't go fast enough. I could hardly sleep that night I was so excited. I practically ran out the door when it hit 2 o'clock the next day with a huge smile on my face. I have a wonderful support team that visit me at home but to be honest I'm actually doing pretty well on my own. I'm so greatful to have this chance to finally be free of inpatient services. Life is becoming everything I wanted it to be. I just want to say that recovery is so so so worth it. It may be slow, it may be up and down and it may feel totally impossible at times but I promise you, hold on. I first noticed things changing by the little things...lying In bed at

Recently over the weekends I've been catching up with some of my friends. They have stuck by me throughout all of this.Even when I was at my worst just a letter or a txt meant so much to me, it was amazing knowing they we're always there. Catching up with them and hearing all their stories really opened my eyes. I've become so used to hospital life with all its rules and routines, it's hard for me to imaging what these three years would have looked like. I guess I will never know, now I'm just determined to make up for all that lost time. It's pretty scary how quickly I got used to the ways of the wards, the good and the bad! As you can imagine 12  unwell teenagers living in the same space 24/7 could be pretty eventful. I think the thing that worries me the most is how numb you become to screaming, shouting, restraints and just people in a lot of distress. It happened lots so you saw some pretty awfull things. Patients being dragged across the floor kicking an

At the beginning of admissions you are given a 'welcome pack' a little booklet with information about the treatment and general rules of the ward. I've always found these things ridiculous. They somehow manage to make the places sound like holiday resorts! So I though I would write a little bit about what It can actually be like on an inpatient ward. Don't get me wrong they are great places, they save lives and they have certainly helped me a lot. However they aren't always the calm and therputic places they say on paper or like they may be potrayed in movies. They can be loud, scary and some times completely out of control. There have even been occasions police have been called! One ward basically had 2 average sized rooms for 12 patients to spend the entire day in, we were only allowed in our bedrooms after 10pm. This often ended up in some awful nights. It was like a domino effect, there was no space to help patients calm down quietly So quickly the whole war