So I haven’t written for a while but I thought I’d just write a little bit today. I’m currently writing this from Sri Lanka, something that 5 months ago was just a dream that I never thought would actually happen. I was weak, tired and unable to even really move from my bed. A holiday seemed pretty impossible. Just another thing my eating disorder had taken away from me. But one day I woke and something changed. As clique as it sounds something just clicked and I decided to make a change. It had got to the point where I either had to start eating or that control would have been taken away again. So I sat with my bowl of soup and ate it. I haven’t stopped since. However things really aren’t as simple as that for so many people and they certainly haven’t been for me before but the thought of this holiday kept me going. I’ve always wanted to come here and see my favourite animal..TURTLES!! I’m so glad I managed to turn things around and be here today. Life isn’t perfect but I have to say this holiday is pretty close to it! I’ve walked up mountains, washed an elephant and visited the most beautiful places and it makes all this hard worth worth it.
When things seem impossible and you have nothing to work towards I think the thought of trying is so so so hard.that’s why it’s important to have little goals to work towards. Now at the start I had very little things like a walk with my dog and then a little trip to London. As I was getting stronger and stronger I could do so much more and that was a great feeling. Being able to laugh without it hurting, being able to walk around the shops without it taking every last drop of energy I had. Food = fuel. Calories is just energy. I used to hate all those sayings but it’s true, food gives us the energy to be able to enjoy life. Eating disorders are sometimes really glamorised and no they aren’t just a ‘diet’! They are such a horrible thing to have to live with and the effects they have on your life and body are horrible. You also don’t have to be ‘underweight’ to have an eating disorder, please always reach out for support.
On a more positive note, I’m so glad to be out here enjoying the sunshine so I’ll leave it there.
All my love
Pops
xxx
Describing what it’s like to live with PTSD and depression can sometimes be hard. If you haven’t experienced it, imagine a weight constantly pulling you down. Some days you have the strength to fight it, get on with life. Other days It debilitating and you just don’t have the energy to. Being depressed is obviously not something anyone chooses and can’t alway be easily solved. In reality someone can be completely consumed by mental illness but it can’t always be seen. There is no ‘one size fits all’ when it comes to treatment either. Everyone is so different. I have been receiving treatment since I was 14 (I’m now 20) that has included countless medications, therapy’s and hospital admissions . Over the years i’ve Learnt a great deal about myself and come across some amazing people. I’ve learnt how to talk, how to trust, how to smile and what it’s like to live again after years of just surviving. September last year I suffered quite a big relapse. I’d shut down, pushed everyone away and
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