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What is recovery?

So I haven't written in a little while and I want to get back into posting regularly! So here it goes, a little update on things so far. I don't think there's much point presenting everything has been perfect because it hasn't. That's just life though, things do go up and down and I think it's just about accepting that that's it's okay. We're allowed to feel sad and to struggle a little more. That's the thing with recovery it's not linear, it goes up and down and all over the place! After spending 3 and a half years being told what to do and When to do it was a big adjustment when I got home with all the freedom that it includes. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love being at home but it's just so different from the structure and rules of an inpatient ward. So when I left the eating disorder unit food started to become a bit of a struggle. I was just unsure about what to eat and when to eat it. I wanted to prove to everyone I was better than everyone said I was. That I was fine with my relationship with food and I wanted to destroy that 'anorexic' part of me. 

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My story so far...

Looking back i was about 12 when i first started to notice something wasn't quite right. It wasn't everyday but i started to have a lack of motivation, a lack of motivation to go to school, to eat, to talk to people and sometimes even getting out of bed. Slowly over 2 years i went up and down but once i hit 14 things only got worse. I didn't understand why but just functioning like i used to wasn't even possible. I would rock up to school and make my way around somehow but once i got home i could barely remember a single thing i'd done.I was somehow getting myself through exams. sports matches and some kind of social life. Within a few weeks i was dragged to the GP and refereed to CAMHS. I remember sitting in my first appointment in front of a scary lady asking 101 questions. This is where i first learnt about inpatient hospitals although i think at that point i had gone to far past the point of caring to be scared. About a month later i was starting the 4 hour ...