So I haven't written in a little while and I want to get back into posting regularly! So here it goes, a little update on things so far. I don't think there's much point presenting everything has been perfect because it hasn't. That's just life though, things do go up and down and I think it's just about accepting that that's it's okay. We're allowed to feel sad and to struggle a little more. That's the thing with recovery it's not linear, it goes up and down and all over the place! After spending 3 and a half years being told what to do and When to do it was a big adjustment when I got home with all the freedom that it includes. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love being at home but it's just so different from the structure and rules of an inpatient ward. So when I left the eating disorder unit food started to become a bit of a struggle. I was just unsure about what to eat and when to eat it. I wanted to prove to everyone I was better than everyone said I was. That I was fine with my relationship with food and I wanted to destroy that 'anorexic' part of me.
So today I achieved something pretty massive for me. I traveled up to London on my own for the first time, something I never even imagined I would be able to do. Over the passed few months my confidence has grown so much. There was a time I felt so anxious I couldn't even step outside, I couldn't talk to new people especially when it came to asking for things or even make decisions. After spending months behind closed doors every time I stepped outside it felt like my head was spinning. Trying to make sense of all the loud sounds, all the smells and making sure I knew where all the people were. I hated people coming close to me, loud sudden noises and massive open spaces scared me. It was all so overwhelming for quite a long time but slowly I built my confidence back up. Now I'm loving the independence and freedom. I still find it hard at times, like in big crowds or when people get so close to me I feel trapped but to be honest that isn't enjoyable for anyone is it? D...
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