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My story so far...

Looking back i was about 12 when i first started to notice something wasn't quite right. It wasn't everyday but i started to have a lack of motivation, a lack of motivation to go to school, to eat, to talk to people and sometimes even getting out of bed.

Slowly over 2 years i went up and down but once i hit 14 things only got worse. I didn't understand why but just functioning like i used to wasn't even possible. I would rock up to school and make my way around somehow but once i got home i could barely remember a single thing i'd done.I was somehow getting myself through exams. sports matches and some kind of social life.

Within a few weeks i was dragged to the GP and refereed to CAMHS. I remember sitting in my first appointment in front of a scary lady asking 101 questions. This is where i first learnt about inpatient hospitals although i think at that point i had gone to far past the point of caring to be scared. About a month later i was starting the 4 hour drive to an inpatient unit in East Sussex.

From then till now i've been moving around hospitals. Every new hospital came a new team, new opinions, a new set of staff and a completely different location. With every transfer i lost more and more hope i would ever find a way to pick myself up from the mess i was in. I gave up on everyone and everything. After 3 years of being forced to eat, drink, take my medication and even get out of bed, i've done it. Thing are far from perfect but i've finally found a life worth living.

Never give up, even if your waiting years your time will come i promise. Life is a beautiful thing once you can stop letting the past drag you down.

all my love
Pops x

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