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Suicide prevention day

It's world suicide prevention day, a day that Is really important to me. I haven't posted in a little while mainly because it's been a tricky few months. However Things are getting better and I thought today would be a good day to start posting again. 

In the past few years I've struggled to see the point of being alive. I was so consumed by sadness that all I could do was imagine what it would be like to disappear, close my eyes and for everything to be over. I took every opportunity I could and it was all I thought about. During this time I was kept safe inside 4 walls of a hospital until I managed to see that there was a way out, the good days outweighed the bad ones and I started seeing the point of being alive. I started to laugh more, to look forward to things and to feel some kind of happiness. I started to think less and less about suicide and more about the reasons to be alive. The thoughts started to fade and with all the support I received, I chose life.

It was hard for 3 and a half years living in a psychiatric unit, a place when most people were suicidal. People so desperate to end there lives that they would try everything, in one ward almost every day an attempt was made, It was terrifying. The thought that maybe one day someone would succeed. Every single time people were stopped and received the care they needed. Eventually this fear and seeing the hurt it caused other people was a big help in changing my mind. I now have so many reasons to keep going, once I began to allow myself have a good day they just kept coming. Yes there are still days where I feel awful and hopeless but I know now that it will pass and there will be good days again. I just had a lovely weekend in London with my family, something that this time last year would have been completely unimaginable. 

There are great services out there and to anyone out there who's struggling please try and reach out to someone. Your family, a friend, a teacher or anyone that you feel you could open up too. Even if it's just a little bit. My parents finding out how much I was struggling was the best thing that ever happened. I had to be practically dragged to the GP but that was the thing that kick started the support. If you don't feel like any of that's manageable places like www.mind.org.uk or www.samaritans.org/ and other web sights offer ways to talk to someone on the phone or online. 
It's  okay to seek support, feeling so desperately unhappy that you are having thought of ending your life can actually be a really scary thing. Also there's support out there for people who know someone who is really struggling because sometimes that can be even scarier! 

I just hope this raises a little more awareness. 

Keep smiling and don't be afraid to speak up. There are so many people out there willing to listen. 





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